A piece of paper from the city hall

“…we don’t need no piece of paper from the city hall, keeping us tied and true…”

But we got one anyway.

We always knew we wanted to get married once it was legal in both the country of our birth and the country we call home. What we didn’t know was how. Some ideas we threw around:

· A big bash inviting everyone who knew we existed

· A surprise ceremony during a going away party as we prepared to leave for this trip

· A quiet sunset service, barefoot on a beach

· A civil service in every country we visited on this trip (where it was legal)

· Two services, one in Australia and one in the US

Of course, like every decision in our relationship, we discussed these options to death, exploring the pros and cons. If we had it in Australia, that’s a long way to ask our US friends and family to travel. If we had it in the US, where? We have friends and family stretching from one coast to the other, not to mention getting anyone from Australia there. The one thing that was for sure was that we didn’t want to set a new anniversary date, so it seemed right to have it on the 25th of June and it also seemed right to just…. elope. Maybe it is the coward’s way out and maybe even selfish, but it was the compromise we both came to. And that has how we’ve always been with our relationship. We hope all of our friends and family understand and wish us well in marking our relationship this way. The time we have spent on this trip (and have yet to spend) is our way of celebrating with as many of you as we can, and this post hopefully shares a bit about our wedding day.

To actually get married in NYC, you must register at the Clerk’s office at least 24 hours in advance. We took care of that on arrival into the city. It was a conveyor belt of checking in, submitting paperwork we started online, and waiting. The good thing is it gave us some time to people watch and see what we were in for on the official get-hitched day. There were traditional white dresses and suits, casual jeans and t-shirts and some shorts and flip flops/thongs wearing couples of all shapes, sizes, ages, races and gender match ups. The diversity made us smile. Our number was finally called, forms turned in and we were officially registered to marry in the State of New York. NOW, we had to think about what to wear, where to go and what to do on the actual day.

About the traditions

Yes – we would exchange rings. We had decided that a few months ago and it seemed appropriate to pick them up in New Orleans where our relationship began, thanks to an affordable contact given us by two friends. (Thanks J and D).

White: hmmmmmm, we had white shirts with us. Yes, that’ll do.

Writing our own vows? See below

Would there be cake? Could be cheesecake, could be cupcake, could be chocolate cake, but we would find a place walking back from the ceremony to indulge in something sweet.

Something old: Well, just look at us.

Something new: Our rings

Something borrowed: Well, you’ll read about our witness

Something blue: Shirt had blue – Robert tends towards blue moods, though not on this day.

Champagne toast? What do you think? Likely multiple.

Best men/women/friend/witness: THIS was a very hard decision as we both had many people we wanted to ask to be there for the actual event. (See above wedding planning paragraph). We opted to grab someone out of the line.

Our wedding day started like pretty much every other day on this trip, walking to grab a coffee and then a quick work out. We hoped to get to the clerk’s office by 11am thinking we would be out in about an hour and a half.

Once there, we passed through the metal detectors to our first check in spot and got the question. “Where is your witness?” “Ummmm, we thought we’d ask someone from the line inside.” “Hmmmm, no, you have to register them with you when you enter”. . . .uh oh. We went out the exit, back to the front of the building where Shevel asked if we needed a witness and a photographer. How much? Affordable. Would you just take a few pics with our iPhone. SURE. So Shevel, a Jamaican born New Yorker became part of our ceremony. She was lovely, fun and kept the nerves down with stories of watching civil services through the years. She took pics with the iPhone and in case we wanted, snapped away with her SLR camera. At the end, we loved what she captured and we will get them via email in the next few days.

The service was quick, the civil servant performing the ceremony was completely impersonal, but we had Shevel and it was loads of fun. There were three male same sex couples getting married in a row. A definite testament to PRIDE, though our timing with that event was never intentional.

In just over an hour, we had become spouses on our anniversary. Woo HOO!!! WE DID IT.

After the official part, we needed our first glass of something. Years ago we drove into the city from CT for a romantic dinner at the Cub Room in SoHo – our first NYC date. We always wanted another quintessential New York experience like that – great food, good conversation, perfect ambiance and service like a local. Well, the Cub Room is closed and in its place is a livelier neighbourhood restaurant and bar called The Dutch. “Two champagnes please, we’re finally legal”. The service was fantastic and they loved our story. So much so that the surprise bowl of peanut crumble topped with ice cream and chocolate sauce accompanied by a sparkler became our wedding cake . . . feeding each other and all. Erik resisted the urge to shove it in his new spouses face.

First glass of bubbles at The Dutch complete . . . we’re on the move. Our friendly concierge at The Roxy (where we stayed for these few days) recommended the restaurant Robert overlooking Central Park and Columbus Circle. It has amazing views even if it’s a bit more “ladies who lunch” than our tastes. We ordered a few small plates and of course more bubbles. We don’t know if we thought it would be this much fun, but our wedding day has been exactly what we wanted, bar one missing thing.

We’re now finalising this blog entry back at the hotel, excited, relieved and also missing friends and family being with us. Maybe it wasn’t the perfect solution, but it was what we came to.

Look forward to raising a glass in months to come with whomever wants to join us. For now, we’re off to dinner – this was to be our 25th anniversary celebration and now has even more meaning. Hope One if By Land Two if By Sea turns out to be “one of the most romantic dinner spots in New York” as advertised even if a bit old school. No matter, I’m sure we’ll raise another glass.

Pics from our past anniversaries – 1994 (Pearl River),1999 (New Orleans), 2004 (Queenstown), 2009 (Istanbul), 2014 (Bali).

Our Vows

E: Robert, from the moment we met, there was some kind of spark. And that spark was ignited 25 years ago today. Who would have guessed that it would grow into a solidly-burning fire that would keep us warm throughout our lives?

You have been and always will be my favourite traveling partner, theatre go-er

artist, photographer, music-knower

snuggler, sometimes joker

dancer, perfectionist, thought-provoker

non-multi-tasker

direction asker

And still the one whose so-handsome-face dazzles me

and also, the one who would eye-roll at (but secretly love) this attempt at poetry.

I hope I’ve been the partner you wanted and needed for the past 25 years and I promise to continue to do my best to surprise and amaze you, to have compassion and love for you and to always be stronger than the monsters beneath your bed. Even when I miss the mark, know that I’ll always keep on trying.

R: Erik, I can’t imagine life without you. It’s 25 years - a lifetime of events - a blink of an eye.

You’ve always given me a safe place to be my worst self, and because of that, I’m a better person.

I will always work to have you feel as loved as I do, and I will continue to nurture this amazing relationship we’ve built. It’s a partnership based in reality, a best friendship (mateship in our chosen home) . . .you’re my BFF . . . Together we’ve created a loving bond that helps us navigate the “downs” - even when I think it will never get better - and you know how often that is.

I can always depend on you hanging in there until we force the “ups” to appear again.

Thank you for choosing me as your partner to travel through life. I love you. Happy anniversary. Happy wedding. Love wins!

My Old Man – Joni Mitchel

My old man he's a singer in the park He's a walker in the rain He's a dancer in the dark

We don't need no piece of paper from the city hall Keeping us tied and true no, my old man Keeping away my blues

He's my sunshine in the morning He's my fireworks at the end of the day He's the warmest chord I ever heard Play that warm chord, play and stay baby

We don't need no piece of paper from the city hall Keeping us tied and true, my old man Keeping away my blues

But when he's gone Me and them lonesome blues collide The bed's too big The frying pan's too wide

Then he comes home And he takes me in his loving arms And he tells me all his troubles And he tells me all my charms

We don't need no piece of paper from the city hall Keeping us tied and true no, my old man Keeping away my blues